Nottingham Rock City - Arse full of Chips  

I wake up about 5pm. Sam tells me its time for the sound check. I get out of my bunk. It's dark. I can't find my socks. I find my socks on the shelf above my bunk. I put them on. I drink some water out of a bottle. I get out of the bus. I go into the venue. I walk onto the stage. The band are playing a song. I press a button on my piano. I go to the bit on the little screen where it says 'effects'. I choose a phaser effect. I put it on a string noise.  I play some chords while the rest of the band play a song. I have a conversation with Glenn about the broken keys on my organ keyboard. I go downstairs to the dressing room. I eat some processed chicken slices. I feel sad. I go out the fire door and have a cigarette. It's raining. I go back to the bus and get my electric toothbrush. I walk back into the venue. I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. Sam tells me its time for dinner. I go into another room where the band are sitting. I ask a bit fat man with a beard for Cumberland sausages. I eat half a sausage. I read an article in the daily mail about some dead soldiers. I go to the bathroom and have a shit. I go back to the dressing room and look for my phone charger. I can't find it. I eat a beetroot. I eat a kiwi fruit. I look in a corner. I find my bag. I find my charger and plug it into my phone. I turn on my phone. There’s a message from my friend Lance. He's angry because I didn't get him onto the guest list for last night's gig. I open a beer. I smoke another cigarette. I go back into the other room. Glenn is sitting over my organ keyboard. It's in pieces on the table. He explains to me that he's going to replace the broken C-sharp key with one from the bottom of the keyboard, which I don't use so much.  I say 'yeah, that’s a good Idea, I don't use that one much.' Aurora sits down next to me. She looks tired. I tell her she looks tired, and she says, yes, she’s knackered. I put my arm round her and suggest she eats a Kiwi fruit. Sam walks in and tells me its fifteen minutes till show time. I drink some orange juice. I feel sick. I go to the toilet and have another shit. I meet Eddie in the corridor and tell him a joke. He doesn't laugh. I say 'what's the matter with you?' he says it’s none of my business. I go back to the dressing room. Sam says its 5 minutes till show time. I ask Aurora if I can borrow her eye shadow.  She says yes. I smear the grey eye shadow all around my eyes I put my fur coat on. Sam says its show time.  We queue up by the side of the stage.  Glenn puts on the intro tape. We walk onto the stage. The crowd cheers. I press some buttons on my keyboard.  We start to play the songs. The audience dance around and cheer and clap and then we go off. We all smoke fags. Then we go back on and do the encore. We leave the stage then go back to the dressing room. We drink some more beer then we go to a pub round the corner.  I feel happy. There are lots of people with tattoos and piercings. Jake asks me what I want.  I say I'll have a Tequila and Redbull. The barmaid says she doesn’t have any redbull but they've got Red Devil. I say that's fine. Jake gives me my drink. There's a Spiderman pinball table in the corner. I ask Eddie and Steve if they want a game. I go first and score about 14 million points.  I push the table around too violently and get a 'Tilt’. Steve goes next and gets about a million points. Eddie goes next and gets about three million, even though he keeps pressing both flippers at once like a girl. Steve goes next and loses his ball in about 30 seconds. Eddie gets bored and wanders off. I end up getting 48 million points and a replay. I go out into the garden to join the others for a fag. The barman kicks everybody out of the garden so we go back into the bar for a last drink. On the bar are lots of names of bands written on a blackboard in chalk. 'Dire Straights'  'Kunt Puncher' and ‘Arse Full of Chips.'  Above the bar it says 'Now serving... YOUR MUM' I take a picture of the sign on my mobile phone with the pretty barmaid standing in front of it. We walk back to the bus. On the way, I go into the Londis and buy twenty Marlborough lights. Eddie Buys a Pot Noodle. On the bus, we drink some beer. Nick tells me I should start writing my blog. Eddie starts to eat his pot noodle. It makes me hungry, so I decide to go back to the Londis to buy one. Steve says he'd like one too, so I say I'll get a few. I leave the bus. There are lots of drunk young people in trainers and high heels in the street. The Londis is closed, so I carry on down the street till I find a kebab shop. I queue up and then ask for two doner kebabs and a chicken and chips. On the way back I pass a nightclub called 'Stringers' or something. I go in but they're playing S-Express and everybody in there is ugly so I go out again. I go back to the bus and give everybody their kebabs. I open another beer and somebody suggests we watch a film but we cant get the DVD to work. After half an hour we get the DVD to work. We watch' Minority Report'. I feel tired. I go to bed. I fall asleep. Live the dream.



© Orlando Harrison 2009